Stop Fixing Your Weaknesses—Here’s What to Focus on Instead
What “Good” Means Isn’t Always the Same: Why That Matters More Than You Think
Have you ever thought you were on the same page with someone—only to realize you were in totally different books?
It happens everywhere. In the workplace. In parenting. In partnerships. Even in coaching conversations.
And often, it’s not about a lack of intelligence, effort, or intention. It’s about meaning—how we define things like “good,” “productive,” “respectful,” or “successful.” That’s where the disconnect begins.
A Real-Life Example from a Coaching Session
Recently, I worked with a client who was hesitant to accept an invitation to speak on a podcast.
Why?
Because she didn’t feel credible enough as a leader.
When we explored it together, the root cause traced back to her teenage years. She had once spoken up about a broken process and was labeled “disruptive.” From that moment on, she carried a silent message:
“If I challenge the way things are done, I’m not a good leader.”
So, she stayed quiet. She downplayed her voice. She played it safe—even when she had insight others didn’t.
But here’s what we uncovered together:
She wasn’t a bad leader. She was a truth-teller.
The problem wasn’t her perspective—it was the delivery.
She didn’t need to be smaller. She needed to speak with more skill, not less strength.
My Own Wake-Up Call
That session made me reflect on my own patterns. I had been beating myself up for not finishing a set of action items when my coach asked:
“Sounds like you want to follow the rules?”
At first, I agreed. But later, I checked in with my husband and asked, “Do you think I’m a rule follower?”
He didn’t miss a beat:
“I don’t think you even know what the rules are most of the time. And when you do, you treat them like…guidelines.”
And honestly? He’s right.
For me, rules are just tools. They help me assess risk—but I’m more interested in what’s underneath them. If a rule doesn’t align with my values, I’m probably going to find a more authentic way to meet the goal.
Meaning Is Personal
That experience helped me realize:
I don’t want to check boxes for the sake of being “good.”
I want my actions to matter.
To feel connected.
To reflect who I am—not who I think I should be.
And this shows up everywhere:
Your friend thinks “supportive” means daily check-ins. You think it means giving space.
Your kid thinks “respect” means no backtalk. You think it means open dialogue.
Your partner says “clean the kitchen.” You wipe the counters. They meant floors, stove, dishes—everything.
None of these are about right or wrong. They’re about how we define things.
So, What Can We Do?
Here’s one simple coaching question that opens the door to understanding:
👉 “What does that mean to you?”
When we pause long enough to ask, we move:
From misinterpretation to clarity
From judgment to connection
From “fixing” to actually listening
That’s how we lead better. Parent better. Partner better. And live more fully aligned with what actually matters.
Want More of This Kind of Insight?
I explore these topics every other week in my newsletter, The Genius Edge for Leaders.
It’s where I unpack the real, often unspoken challenges leaders face—and how to meet them with clarity, courage, and connection.
👉 Subscribe here or book a clarity call if you want to explore working together.
